“It was always about love. Always, always about love. Lost love, love denied, the obsessive hunger for love. Parental or romantic. Whether it was twisted or pure, fulfilled or unrequited, love was always at the source”. -James W. Hall
“There is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved”. -George Sand
There are probably more books written, more movies made, and more opinions offered about love and relationships than just about anything else. That tells you something right there, doesn’t it? We are all pretty obsessed with the subject. One angle that explains the source of our obsession comes from anthropologist, Helen Fisher, who has been studying romantic love for thirty-five years and has most recently been a consultant for Match.com. If you are interested in examining love from the point of view of both brain science and cultural anthropology, then you may be intrigued by Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. Helen Fisher is a Research Professor in the Department of Anthropology at Rutgers University, and her work has examined marriage and divorce in 58 societies, adultery in 42 cultures, patterns of monogamy and desertion in birds and mammals, and gender differences in the brain and behavior.
Fisher’s book explores the chemical basis of love from research she conducted on subjects whose brains were scanned using functional MRI’s, noticing the different effects of specific chemicals like dopamine, norepinephrine, and seratonin, arguing that much of our romantic behavior is hard-wired. At the core of her theory is the description of three very different operating systems in the brain.The first causes our basic sex drive, mostly controlled by testosterone, and evolved to ensure both survival and reproductive success. The description of lust is pretty straight forward although it can certainly create problems in relationships. But that is the subject of another blog entirely…
The second system, which drives our need for romantic love, is caused by an increase in dopamine, stimulating the pleasure centers in the brain. But did you know that when people are in this early phase of increasing interest and infatuation, they have a decrease in serotonin. Maybe that’s why we call it falling in love! It is well known that increased levels of serotonin are correlated with a sense of serenity, good moods, and an ability to inhibit behavior. So even though you might think that falling in love would make us happy (and raise serotonin), this helps explain why so many people describe the pain and anxiety of new love. The drop in serotonin also helps explain our wild inability to control our thoughts during this intensely emotional stage since serotonin is also low in people who suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder. It is both confirming and almost a relief to know why love can so easily mimic an addiction.
Luckily, we have a third system in the brain that fosters attachment or bonding, modulated mostly by the increase in two hormones, vasopressin and oxytocin. These neurotransmitters are responsible for creating pleasurable sensations, specifically the feelings of calm and security, and help us develop deep and lasting bonds with our loved ones. Why We Love also underscores what we can do to create successful lifelong partnerships, offering tips for making love last.
Fisher also looks at evolutionary factors in things like how we choose our mate and how men and women differ in the biology of love. Not leaving any stone unturned, she walks the reader through the heartache of lost love and its effects on our body and emotional health. She also explores some of the biological underpinnings of infidelity as well as offering a fascinating section on intimacy differences between males and females. To get a flavor of her enthusiasm and the breadth of the topic, watch any of a number of her videos including “The Science of Love and the Future of Women” from one of her TED talks. I can’t wait to see what she’ll come up with next.
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