“I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn’t believe them, I didn’t suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment. That joy is in everyone, always.” -Byron Katie
“Perhaps the most important revelation is precisely this: that the left cerebral hemisphere of humans is prone to fabricating verbal narratives that do not necessarily accord with the truth.” -Antonio Damasio, Professor of Neuroscience at USC
Public interest in approaches such as cognitive therapy, Buddhist psychology, mindfulness meditation and other ways to work with our thoughts has skyrocketed in the past few years. As a result, there are more books than ever to choose from. Although having so many choices can be overwhelming, I love having a smorgasbord of books and CD’s in my office so that I can more readily find a good fit with whatever individual or family I am seeing.
Several of the books that I share with clients are written by Byron Katie who has been teaching her model, called simply “The Work,” for over twenty years to people around the world, at free public events, in prisons, hospitals, churches, corporations, universities, schools, and at weekend workshops. Sharing the self-help process that delivered her from severe depression to emotional freedom has become Byron Katie’s mission. Tormented for years by rage, self-loathing, and constant thoughts of suicide, Katie discovered that the source of her suffering was in her belief system rather than in the inevitable ups and downs of the world. In her books and videos, she teaches the reader a simple but powerful process of inquiry, a way to question the reality of limiting thoughts that perpetuate our suffering. Once we learn to see and accept reality as it is, Katie explains, we can experience unimaginable freedom and joy.
Although she has written many books to choose from, I like two in particular. The first is called Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your LIfe. This is a great introduction to “The Work”. Not only does the reader learn how to do the process of inquiry but the book explains how it can be used for couples and families, for self-judments, for body image, for addictions, and for issues of work or money. Although it also explains how to use the process with children, I prefer using her children’s book, Tiger-Tiger, Is It True? In fact, I love the children’s book so much that I often pull it off my shelf and read parts of it out loud to adults and kids alike. Since the word “work” sounds pretty heavy and serious, asking the questions with an unhappy tiger usually brings more laughter and lightness to the process.
To add to the appeal of books on cognitive approaches is the validation of topnotch neuroscientists like Damasio. They confirm, by looking at the inner workings of the brain itself, that we really do make up stories about the world in order to manage our lives. Many of these stories are not only fabrications–meaning they are just not true–but even worse, they often perpetuate our pain unnecessarily. I want to learn to be at peace with what is, changing my own thoughts instead of trying to change things that are out of my control. Can you wrap your mind around that?
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