“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt
How often do you say things out loud or to yourself like: “He makes me feel stupid” or “I’m depressed because she is always criticizing me” or “He/she won’t let me do that. think that, feel that…”? If you believe that your self-esteem or happiness or lack thereof are caused by how your current or past family members treat you then you are falling into the role of “the victim” whether you like to think that way of yourself or not. What often is helpful when trying to break free of victim-like thinking is to examine where you need to set clearer boundaries.
Happier, more loving families are able to set boundaries that are neither too rigid nor too flimsy. When our boundaries are too rigid, we tend to close ourselves off from our own or others’ feelings, creating an impenetrable wall of “I don’t care what you feel.” This stance does not allow for enough closeness. When boundaries are too soft, we worry so much about what the other person feels that we fail to stand up for what we think, want and feel.
If anyone in your life is “making you” feel inferior, think about how to create a better boundary. This can be done by communicating (please don’t speak to me that way), by choosing to spend less time or by spending your time together differently (having certain topics you won’t discuss), or simply by creating a boundary inside where you silently remind yourself that you don’t have to believe everything you hear.Remember the childhood comeback: “Sticks and stones can break my bones but names will never hurt me!”
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