One of my favorite books describing the inevitable conflict that parents have with teenagers is Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall?: A Parent’s Guide to the New Teenager, written by Dr. Anthony Wolf, a clinical psychologist. First published in 1992, the book is now in a newer version that includes more up-to-date parenting advice on topics such as the Internet and cell phones, as well as a chapter on gay and lesbian teens.
Filled with actual dialogue– both good and bad, or rather effective and ineffective– Wolf takes the sting out of the often painful, exasperating job of parenting a teenager. In the early chapters of the book, he explains why teenagers act the way that they do. Part of the struggle of adolescence comes from the fact that the task of this phase in the life cycle is the development of a separate identity. With one foot still in childhood and the other angling at adulthood, life with a teen is a constant juggling act between dependence and independence, with ever changing demands between closeness and distance.
Wolf is able to translate the foreign language of teenspeak into something more forgivable and understandable which gives beleaguered parents both hope and the realisation that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. The book also covers such areas as parental decision making, lying teenagers, arguments and confrontations, teenagers who perpetually break rules, and methods parents should use to make rules. Wolf also addresses more modern issues like divorce, parenting alone, sex, suicide, and alcohol and drug use.
As is obvious from the title, all of this and more is described with plenty of humor, a necessary element for surviving the teenage years with love and connection intact.Wolf offers his advice in a funny, easy to understand, real life, sensitive way, which draws the reader in and makes these difficult years seem much more survivable. He is not Pollyanna, reminding parents that today’s adolescents frequently drink, experiment with drugs and are sexually active–even when they have great parents.
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