“Feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.” -Pema Chodron
One of my favorite authors and teachers of Buddhist thought and practices is Pema Chodron. Born Deidre Blomfield-Brown in New York in 1936, she was ordained as a Buddhist nun after being a wife, mother of two children, and elementary school teacher. Because of her experiences in “real life”–or at least the real life that I and most fellow Westerners have lived– replete with partner, children, and colleagues (compared to a Tibetan monk raised in a monastery in the East), I found that I could relate to both her stories and her style of teaching. One of my favorite books for anyone interested in exploring how Buddhist psychology works with our emotions is When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult TImes. This is an excellent book to start with and one that can be read over and over, especially at painful crossroads.
Pema Chodron’s own personal quest, which ultimately led her to Buddhism, was prompted by the ending of her second marriage. Learning about her husband’s affair brought with it unexpectedly intense feelings of anger, fear, and hopelessness. First, she tried exploring different therapies and spiritual traditions, but nothing seemed to provide the help she was seeking. Then she came across an article by Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, called “Working with Negativity.” With no prior interest in Buddhism, Pema was drawn to the way Trungpa addressed the innate wisdom of our emotions. She went on to become his student for many years, and later became the first director of Gampo Abbey in rural Nova Scotia, a monastery for western monks and nuns. Her books and lectures are available on CD’s such as Awakening Compassion: Meditation Practices for Difficult Times, and she teaches not only in Canada but yearly in America at Omega Institute.
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