There are many excellent resources available to couples wanting to learn how to communicate more effectively. One of the several that we like and recommend is now in its third edition. Written by Matthew McKay, Martha Davis and Patrick Fanning, check out Messages: The Communication Skills Book. If when you completed your Current Family Assessment in How’s Your Family Really Doing?, you scored low on Key #1, then this is a good place to start. What is great about this book is that it has appeal to readers with differing levels of skills, beginning with basic skills of listening and expressing oneself and then moving to more advanced skills such as learning about body language and hidden agendas. The authors share the same sentiments of our previous blog, You Can Teach an Old Dog New Tricks. “These skills have been known and available for years. They can and should be taught right along with the three Rs.”
Their discussion of the most common blocks to communication is a good checklist. Reminding us that there are some classic conversation stoppers, the authors invite you to assess your skills in this and other areas. For example, how many of you are sure that you know what your partner is thinking or feeling even when nothing of the sort is being said? Do you spend much of your time judging what is being said by your spouse rather than really deeply listening? When you share something, do you compare your partner to someone else? (“If you were as kind as Sally, we wouldn’t be having these problems!”) The book also includes chapters specifically written for couples, for communicating with children, for public speaking, and for conflict resolution and negotiation.
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